First Place assignment 5-7-09

5-7-09
Once again I was not able to get my First Place “homework” done every day this week so I am summing the daily questions up into weekly questions.
My emotions this week have once again had its ups and downs. I am somewhat like an emotional roller coaster! My emotions did not affect my food choices. I was able to eat healthy and make good food choices. For this I send thanks to the Lord. I am so grateful that he is leading me on this new life style.

I did not open the bible every day. I have spent time with the Lord everyday meditating on his words and his promises. Joshua 1:8 Keep this book of the Law always on your lips, Meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. This is so true! I it has really helped me the last couple of days to stay centered on the Lord and just feel his presence that I so badly need!

A book in the Bible that has impacted me this week is the story of Job. I have been having a rough time at church. Every time I go, the Lord tries to begin the healing that I so desperately need. I stop the Lord from doing the work in me that I have asked him to do! I ask the Lord to use me…to do whatever it takes. Yet the moment something happens I don’t allow him to do it. I have been so entrapped by the feelings of disappointment and questions of the Lords faithfulness that I did not want to reach out for help. I felt guilt and shame for not trusting the Lord and questioning him.

This week at church we discussed Joshua and whether or not we can trust the Lord and if the Lord is faithful. What I know: I trust the Lord and I know that he is faithful. I don’t understand my circumstances and I don’t understand why he has allowed these things in my life to happen. I met with a friend and shared with her (sobbing) these intimate thoughts in my head. I was embarrassed, but I remembered the Lords word about bringing things to light. I continued to unload all these feelings and thoughts that were strangling me with guilt.

She tells me the story of Job. She says his family was killed and he was in horrific pain. He cried out to the Lord, I know your words, but I don’t feel them in here and points to his heart. He did not turn away from the Lord, he grasped on to him. . Wow! It’s okay for me to feel this way? Most people would not like to be compared to Job with all of his suffering, but this was a relief for me. Here I thought my relationship with the Lord wasn’t strong enough, yet now I know it is. I am going through something and its okay to cling to the Lord, even if all it is, is one hand clinging onto his shirt. At least I am clinging to the one thing that will save me.

The other thing that the Lord spoke to me this week is that he wants to go deeper with me. For our relationship to have more depth, I will go through trials. The Lord will use these trials to strengthen me, strengthen our relationship. I have to allow him access to those intimate areas that I have closed off. It is not okay for me to just stuff everything down and not go through them. That will make me bitter and lonely. If I allow the Lord to help me sort through my suffering he will be glorified and the healing will begin in me.

All of this is connected to my weight loss journey. If I don’t have my emotions in check, I will turn to food for help instead of the Lord. I spent a lot of time in prayer this week. I would rate this week pretty good. The Lord is beginning to work in me in a new way and I love it. He is using my weaknesses to become strengths and I am learning how to work through things. I need to start writing down my food again. I had gotten out of the habit and I need to return to it.

The one thing that I would like to share this week is that it is important that we all have someone to share our personal struggles with, the ones that stay in our minds and haunt us. We need to have the accountability. This is not to make light of going to the Lord, for that is most important. I say this to encourage fellowship with one another. The Lord has given us each other so that we can build each other up and together build up his kingdom. He does not want us bound by our thoughts he wants us to meditate on his words.