12/3/2009

Last night as I lay in bed, I told Richard that I was not looking forward to going to church. That has been one of the hardest parts of losing our baby. That is facing the people that love and care for us. They know our hearts and they know our desires, so they hurt right along with us. In some ways I wish nobody knew...

We had communion today and I spent time praying and asking for forgiveness for any blame that I was placing on the Lord and thanking the Lord all that he has done for me.

As church ended, Richard prayed for those Lost, and those who have experienced loss. I could hear the tears he was forcing back, in return it brought tears to my eyes. This man I love, has loved so much. I am blessed to have a husband that Loves and cares for us all.

The Church prayed for us. I am not one that likes to have my life displayed before people. Maybe that is what the Lord is calling me too.. It hurts though. As they prayed I could not hold back the tears.

We ended church with worshop. I surrender, all to you, all to you....More tears. I wanted to run out of the church and be alone, but I couldn't I just stood there, letting this songs precious words soak into my soul.

Lord,

I desire to surrender to you in all area's of my life. I need you more that anything. Help me to come to you and not blame you, but find redemption in you. You know my hurts and you know my pains, I ask that you heal them and help me to grow closer to you through this.

Amen