Personal Mission Statement

Our homework for this weeks First Place Group was to write a personal mission statement...Here is what I got and how I got there.

Principles and values that that I live by
Jesus is my Lord and Savior
Honesty
I want to be healthy
What brings me happiness?
My family
The Lord
Friends
Exercise
My Legacy and things that I have always wanted to do
Lead others to Christ
Live a healthy life style

My Mission statement:
To live each day making my health a priority so that I will live longer, feel better, and glorify the Lord. I will do this by committing my health to the Lord, Exercising, and eating healthy.

For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate to do I do....

My desire to be healthy and my desire to not care are at battle. Some how not caring or doing anything about my health and weightloss seems easier. For the last 6 months I have done what I wanted to do and not what I know I needed to do. I have not been taking my vitamins, I have not been excersizing, and I have been eating way to much of the wrong foods. I have all this information and knowledge about what I should be eating and doing, yet I choose to do what is wrong.

Paul states in Romans 7:15 "I do not understand what I do, For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate to do I do."

I can relate to this so well. This last couple of weeks the Lord has been working on me about being healthy and making some changes and getting my life together. I am so thankful that the Lord never gives up on me.

Today I am commiting my life, physically as well as menatally to the Lord. I am seeking the Lords will in my life and hopeful for my future.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you so much for your promises and your words. I am asking for your help today. Lord help me to obey you. Please help me to be healthy. I want to feel better. I ask for your help with my food choices, excersize, taking my vitamins, and time with you. Lord I love you and despiratly need you in my life.

Amen

Awakened by GOD

Have you ever been awakend by God? This is something that has happended to me before, but not like last night. At 230 in the morning I woke up. I rolled over to try and go back to sleep. I laid there awake, tired, and unable to sleep. I began to pray. The lord asked me how long it had been since I prayed for myself?" I laid there thinking.... It has been a long time. The Lord wants me to pray for others, but he also wants me to come to him for me. For every need. He loves me just the way that I am and he wants me to learn to love myself. The best place for me to start is time with him, seeking his will in my life.

Good Bye Pops...

Today we said good bye to a wonderful man. My father in law passed away during the night. I was so blessed to be able to be here with him. I am thankful that he moved into our home. It gave us a chance to spend time with him and create some good memories. We will always have these memories in our hearts and minds. With all that being said, I stumbled with my food choices today....

I had been keeping a good food journal and eating healthy all week. Today, I just gave up and ate way to much of the "wrong foods". However, I have learned something... It is okay, I CAN START GOOD TOMORROW! On top of all of this emotional eating, Richard and I went to the gym this evening and worked out. This really helped to release some of the emotions that we have been experiencing. I love that we are finding healthy ways to deal with things, instead of burying away all the pain with food and more food. I have hopes that one day I will not turn to food at all and turn to the Lord for my comfort. For now, I am thankful that the Lord has brought me this far.

Dear God,
I am so thankful to know that you have Rick in heaven with you. Lord, help us get through this time. I pray that you will continue to teach Richard and I to come to you for comfort. Help us to be what we need to be for Nathalie and Mickey. Lord, I ask for your covering over our financial situations. I ask you to cover all my stress and help me to release all my stress to you. Seeing Rick go through all of this at such a large weight, is just a reminder as to why we need to become healthy. Lord I surrender my body to you ask for your protection and wisdom.
Amen

Contract

We had an assignment this week for our First Place class to write a contract to ourselves. Here is mine:

I, TeriAnn New, hereby agree and commit to take the following steps to improve my accountability to myself and increase my chances for weight loss success:

•I will not allow negative self talk when it comes to exercise. I will be happy with what exercise I am able to do, whether it is in weights, cardio, or water aerobics. I will work on having a positive attitude when it comes to exercise.

•I will not allow myself to make excuses when it comes to being accountable to my food choices. I will write down what I eat and turn it in weekly.

•I will not allow myself to be on the bottom of the “to do” list. I will prioritize eating healthy, exercising, my bible study, and spending time with the Lord.

Overwhelmed

I am sure that being overwhelmed is just another excuse for me, but it seems to have taken hold. I am being pulled many different directions these days and it makes it hard to accomplish the things that I set out to do. My mind is continually making lists of things to accomplish and get done, yet there are not enough hours in the day....this is not an excuse. It is true. I have alot on my plate (I am not talking food). I am not complaining. I am glad that the Lord has blessed me with a wonderful family. I am thankful to be on this journey.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I am overwhelmed and I need your patience and help. Please help me to use the time that I have to glorify you. Lord, you are all that I need. Thank you for your comfort.

In Jesus Name,

Amen

Mapping My Emotional History with Food

Dear Lord,
I just completed mapping my emotional history with food. This has got be one of the hardest things I have done. Food has been my idol since I was little. I am not sure when it clicked, but it did. Food satisfied something that I was lacking. I have always gone to food for comfort and really, everything. Food has consumed many years of my life.
I have allowed food to control me. I have gained so much weight over the years. Even as a young child, I was disappointed with myself and the way that I looked. I was embarrassed and it stopped me from being who I should be. I lost confidence in myself.
Even after you found me and I accepted Jesus into my life, I still continue to go to food. It is embedded in me that food is my source of comfort. Lord, help me to seek comfort in you and not food. Lord thank you for bringing all of this to my attention. I ask that you continue to reveal these things to me so that I can grow in my walk with you
Help me to make good food choices. Lord, I want to feel comfortable in my own skin. I want to be healthy and come to you for the things that I need.
Amen

Back at the gym...

Just a quick note. I am very excited about the excersizes that I have been doing at the gym. Each day for the past two weeks I have added something extra on. I am up to 35 minutes on the eliptical and I am no longer hating the machine. We are now buddies again! My legs are sore, but it is good. I am also enjoying that water aerobics. It is stretching me and making my joints more limber. A couple of times we have even went in the jacuzi and sauna. I am so thankful for the time of excersize and relaxation.

Dear Lord,

Thank you so much for giving the energy, patience, and endurance to get back to the gym. You are doing an awesome work within me. You give me stregnth and courage to do more than I ever could have imagined. Thank you!

Amen

Day 21 of 21 Day cleanse!

Hip, Hip, Hooray..We made it! Today is the last day of the cleanse! I am looking forward to adding a few things back into my diet. What I look forward to most is the meats, cheese, and eggs! I miss those things!

I am really glad that I participated in this. I have learned so many things about myself and nutrition over the last month. I can live with out the foods that I think that I need. I enjoy veggies, especially roasted. I like fish. It is refreshing to see a huge portion of veggies on my plate with a piece of fish and lemon.

I started back at the gym. I have been there 4 times this week. I am up to 20 minutes on the eliptical and today I did some water arobics. I am looking forward to enjoying the eliptical again. For now, I will press on and work on doing what I can.

Lord,
My fear of ending this cleanse is going back to the way that I use to eat. I have fallen short so many times when it comes to how I eat. Please help me to make good food choices. Lord, I want to be healthy for myself as well as my children. I know that you want me to have the desires of heart, so Lord I ask that you help me with my will and continue to give me the desire to do better.

I ask for a complete healing of my body. Physically as well as spiritualy. I pray that you will bring things and people into my life that will inspire me to what I need to do. I thank you for the encouragement that you have given me the last couple of weeks. Thank you for my gym membership. Thank you that Richard has been joining me on this journey.

Love,

TeriAnn

Day 16 of the 21 day cleanse

It is almost over! Praise the Lord. This cleanse has been good for me mentally and physically, however I am going to be real happy when I can enjoy some eggs and some cheese!

This evening we went to Aprils for Josiahs birthday party. Angie was kind enough to bring us a fruit smoothie to eat and it was great. When we got home, I was hungry. I made me some roasted broccoli and sweet potatos! Yay! This was a huge accomplishment. Usually I would have snacked on something not so good for me.

Lord,

Thank you for giving me the strength to do this cleanse. You are changing me in ways that I did know needed changed. Please help me to make these changes permanent.

Amen

Day 9 of the 21 day cleanse

Today was day 9 of the cleanse and super bowl. We found it really hard to have all the snacks for the ball game. We compromised a little bit and started to eat meat one day early...we made some healthy meatballs and chicken wings. I roasted up some broccoli and sweet potato's coated in olive oil and garlic salt. They were wonderful! I also made some guacamole that I am going to dip my carrot sicks and celery in. This just shows me that there are healthy ways for us to "snack" and have a good time! I am really thankful that we are able to add some meat back into our diets!

Dear Lord,
My prayer for today is for a covering over our food choices. As I add things back into my diet, it makes it difficult to remember to eat all the fruits and veggies. Lord, help me to make good food choices. Help me to crave the veggies! I want to be healthy, lose the weight, get pregnant, and have a healthy pregnancy.

Lord, I praise you for who you are and what you do for all of us. Let me be your vessel.
Amen

Coming out of the Fog....

I woke up early to get the kids ready for school. They all needed to be up and going so that I could leave the house at 7am to get Anthony to an orthotontist apppointment by 730 in Eugene. Everything was coming together and the kids were getting ready one by one, breakfast was being eaten, shakes were made for the day, I was watching as my troop did what they were suppose to do, and I rejoiced for a smooth selling Tuesday.

Driving out of Creswell and onto the freeway this morning there was a lot of fog. I continued in the fog for about 5 miles and then all of the sudden, I drove out of the fog. I could see it behind me but ahead of the me the road was clear. This got me thinking. That is how I feel today. My mind is clearer. The road/journey seems clearer. I can look back and see the fog, but I press on and see the clearer side of things. The Lord is helping me to see him in a different light. I can see him very clear today.

John 8:12
When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."

Dear God,

Thank you so much for speaking to my heart this morning. I am so glad that I was able to hear from you. You spoke to my heart, mind, and soul through the fog this morning. Lord, I do not want to go back into that fog. I want to continue to see you in all that I do. Your scripture tells me that you are the light. Lord, help me to not walk in darkness, I want to walk in your light and your truth.

Thank you Jesus!
Amen

Cleanse day #4

Today was a busy day. I was able to get all of my shakes in, but not able to sit down and eat some veggies until late in the day. These shakes sure are nice when you are in a hurry! I made them up in the morning and all I had to do was drink one when I got hungry...

I am enjoying having Richard on the cleanse with me this time. Making dinner for the kids is alot easier. They are happy with "simpilar foods", so I am not spending as much time in the kitchen.

I went to the grocery store and bought a bunch if mushrooms and asparagus.. They are tasting really good! I am thankful that this cleanse teaches us to love our fruits and veggies. It is amazing how much my palet changes when I get rid of all the other stuff!

Dear God,

Thank you so much for renewing the spririt in me. Thanks for helping me make these changes in my life. My life is nothing without you.

Amen

Day 3 of the 21 deay cleanse

Today I am feeling rather confident. That is confident that we will be able to do this cleanse. I don't think that everyone has the same level of difficulty when it comes to food. Some people know when the are full. They know when to stop. They know to say "no" to ice cream. I am not one of those "lucky" people. I have to have major will power to turn down food even when I am not hungry. Every peice of food that goes in my mouth has to be thought out and planned. Doing this is so hard. This is why I struggle with getting to a healthy weight. It takes work and eventually I give up on that work. I don't want to give up. I want to be the healthy woman that the Lord has created me to be. This time I choose to draw my stregnth from the Lord. This means I need to turn my focus to the Lord and away from food. This takes time and dedication, but when it all comes down to it, I am worth it.

Today, I sat here thinking about how food has control of me. I will sit here and think about what sounds good and go eat it. If I don't have it, I go to the store to get it. The truth is that I am usually not hungry when I do have it. I have come accustomed to eating what I want, when I want, and how ever much I want. This has caused me to become overweight and unhealthy.

Dear Lord,

I am so sorry for putting food before you. I seek your forgiveness and guidence with all my food problems. I know that you have created me to be so much more than I am. That you have created me, to love me. Lord, help me to not give up. To continue to seek you in all that I do. I want to learn to come to you as I feel myslef slipping away and turning towards food. I want to find my comfort in you and not things of this world.

Thank you for this cleanse. It is helping me to see you more clearly. Please continue to help me get through the next 21 days and all the days that follow. I also thank you for putting our First Place group together. You have given me wonderful people to support me and help me through this journey. I give thanks for Dr. Sandy. She is helping so many of us. I know that it is you who gave her the knowledge, it is you who put her in our lifes. Lord I ask that you bless her and her family as she acts in obedience to your will.

In Jesus Name,

Amen

Cleanse verses Diet

I have spent alot of time thinking about this cleanse. It is day two and I would really like to have some meat. How ironic is that? Normally I crave chips, candy, cakes, potatos, and fried foods. Now that I can only have fruits and vegies, I crave meat, cheese, and eggs. Why is it that I always want what I can't have?

This cleanse is such a good thing! I am hoping that it will help us make better food choices after we are done. Those foods that we ususally crave will not seem so important, after going without the healthy ones for 21 days!

Dear God,

Please continue to give Richard and I the stregnth to do this cleanse in a way that would glorify you and your works. Lord, continue to speak to us each day and lead us in all that we do. We want our bodies to be healed and healthy. We desire to live for you and only you. Help our focus to remain on you. You have spoken to me over this past year that NO TEMPTATION CAN SEIZE YOU EXCEPT WHAT IS COMMON TO MAN, BUT YOU ARE FAITHFUL AND YOU WILL NOT LET US BE TEMPTED BEYOND WHAT WE CAN BEAR, BUT WHEN YOU ARE TEMPTED YOU WILL PROVIDE A WAY OUT...Lord I pray that over our life and over our weight loss group. Let us come to you and we will find victory in all area's of our life.

Thank You Jesus,

Amen

21 day cleanse

Today I began a 21 day cleanse. The idea behind this cleanse is to detoxify my body. Over time our body builds up things that can cause us not to feel well and the cleanse is like a spring cleaning for our bodies.

The first day has proven to be difficult. I have not been hungry, but I do want to eat. I have a real issue with food. I like to eat and I like to eat alot of what I am eating. Taking control of this is a challenge, especially the first couple of days of trying to eat healthy. Adding a cleanse into the mix makes it more difficult. For the next 10 days I can eat 3 shakes, veggies, and fruit.

I have done this cleanse once before, but this time I get to do it with others. This way we can support each other and give each other encouragement. We also have a weekly meeting that Dr. Sandy is heading up and teaching us things about nutrition and the cleanse.

I rejoice in the timing of the cleanse. I have really "let things go", when it comes to nutrition and taking care of my body. I have many excuses as to why I have allowed this. When it really comes down to it, I went to food for things that I should have been going to the Lord for. Food is often what I seek my comfort in and that is wrong even with my justifications.

Losing our baby this last month, really brought me down. My heart says that I want to get pregnant again so that we can have a baby, but in my mind I am afraid. I know that to get pregnant, I have to eat the right way, excersize, and take care of myself. I wonder if self consciously I was sabatauging myself. I say NO MORE! The Lord says that I do no need to fear, so I am going to hang tight to that promise. I need to take care of myself regardless of the situation.

Dear Lord,

I thank you for always being there for me. I love that we can come to you when we need encouragement or stregnth. Lord help me and those doing the cleanse. We need stregnth, nourishment, and your peace over the next weeks. Help us to stay true to ourselves and to you. Lord, we want to be healthy, we want to make healthy life style changes and we know that we can not do this with out you.

Please continue to heal my body and my mind. Richard and I desire a healthy pregnancy and baby. Help my body to be prepared and heal.

Amen

Gym

Last week I restarted our gym membership with a commitment for 6 months! I have gone 3 times since then. The first day I just went swimming and sat in the jacuzzi. Yesterday I was on the eliptical for 25 minutes and today for 30 mintues. My upper body is hurting and I sure can feel the muscles in my legs.

Lord,

Please give me the stregnth and the will power to go to the gym and get in some excersize. I know that this is what my body needs to become a healthier me. Lord, I know I need to come to you with my struggles. I am struggling with food and overeating. I ask that you would help me to make good food choices and Lord that you would plant the desire in my heart to do better. I pray stregnth and guidence and I prasie your Holy name.

Amen

I can not believe that I am 31..

Being in my 30's has taken a toll on my body. It is amazing the aches and pains that I have daily. I even see those aches and pains coming out in Richard. I remember in my 20's feeling like my body hurt all the time and Richard never having an ache or a pain. Not any more. It seems like his wrist, feet, toes, back, knees, etc are in pain. I feel for him and I feel for all those in their 30's having pain.

Richard and I went out to dinner with Thomas and Leah for Thomas and my Birthday. We had a great time. After dinner I took Richard to Cheeba Hut to go to their friends and family celebration. Richard wanted me to go with him. The problem was that he had told the owners about me being pregnant and had not seen them since we miscarried. I just could not face them. I have never met them, however I did not want to go thru the questions of how far along I was and so forth. I am so tired of this! It is just so hard! Richard says he just wishes that this was done. Me too! I just want to scream sometimes.

It feels like I am having to face a fear everyday....Losing our baby was one of my biggest fears. Having to share that with people is so hard.

Lord,

Please help me face this miscarriage. I don't want to hide from it. Lord, give me courage to get through this. I also pray for all the aches and pains in this world and ask for healing. Let the 30's be a blessing to Richard and I.

Amen

Remembering the Good

I have not made an entry in a while. I was thinking that maybe it was because I am feeling better. The truth is I have just avoided it. When I journal about things it causes me to think about our baby and brings sadness to my life, my day. Sometimes just not thinking about what we have been through feels like the best thing to do.

I can't just forget or ignore, I need to allow the healing process in my life, but it is just so hard. There are simple, little things that just make my eyes well up with tears. For instance; getting a headache, getting in the jacuzzi, drinking caffeine. All things that I could not do when I was pregnant and now can because I am not. When Richard touches my belly, I want to cry because I remember how joyous it was when he held me knowing that there was a baby.

Sometimes I just want to SCREAM! Each meeting or gathering I go to is hard. I have to
pray for the strength and courage to go. I know that I will have to face it each time. It is inevitable that us losing our baby is brought up.

The one things that I know is that I do no want to forget. I want to remember the feeling of being pregnant, the response when I told Richard, the response of my friends, and the first time that we got to see our baby on the ultra sound or the last time when the baby was jumping around...not just kicking but actually jumping. There is good that came of this pregnancy...I want to remember the good.

Facing the Giants

Richard and I watched the movie Facing the Giants for the second time. As we sat there, I began to remember what it was about. This couple that was struggling in many area's of life. One of them was with infertility. I remember relating so well with them when we had watched it before. Tears formed in my eyes through out this movie. God's grace and redemption was protrayed so well.

One of the scenes in this movie, the football team had lost the game that would have gotten them into the state play offs. They walked off the field and into change they're gear with such disappointment. When the coach walked in, he told them that they had played a good game. That they had done a good job that season. Then he said, "we praised God when we won and we need to praise God when we don't." The team got on they're knees and began to praise the Lord.

Wow, this really spoke to me. I need to praise the Lord in all situations. Even when it is hard. The Lord deserves our praise at all times and in all situations. I have felt like this team alot lately. It is defeat that I feel. The Lord does not want me to be defeated. He wants to use me for the greater good. I want to be used for the greater good!

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you so much for speaking to me. Something that I am learning is that you can use all things to speak to us as long as we listen. Facing the Giants is a true story of your love and how you meet all of our needs as long as we are willing. Lord, I am willing. I want to face the giants in my life. I love you with all of my heart and want you to use me. Lord, I ask again that you heal the pain in my heart. I pray for your comfort and I praise you for who you are and what you are doing in my life.

In Jesus Name,

Amen

12/3/2009

Last night as I lay in bed, I told Richard that I was not looking forward to going to church. That has been one of the hardest parts of losing our baby. That is facing the people that love and care for us. They know our hearts and they know our desires, so they hurt right along with us. In some ways I wish nobody knew...

We had communion today and I spent time praying and asking for forgiveness for any blame that I was placing on the Lord and thanking the Lord all that he has done for me.

As church ended, Richard prayed for those Lost, and those who have experienced loss. I could hear the tears he was forcing back, in return it brought tears to my eyes. This man I love, has loved so much. I am blessed to have a husband that Loves and cares for us all.

The Church prayed for us. I am not one that likes to have my life displayed before people. Maybe that is what the Lord is calling me too.. It hurts though. As they prayed I could not hold back the tears.

We ended church with worshop. I surrender, all to you, all to you....More tears. I wanted to run out of the church and be alone, but I couldn't I just stood there, letting this songs precious words soak into my soul.

Lord,

I desire to surrender to you in all area's of my life. I need you more that anything. Help me to come to you and not blame you, but find redemption in you. You know my hurts and you know my pains, I ask that you heal them and help me to grow closer to you through this.

Amen