Prayer today

I read this prayer posted on facebook...It spoke to my heart:

Jesus I pray that the Holy Spirit manifests in each and everyones lives this year. I pray that we all surrender our lives and souls to you, so we may hear your voice clearly. That YOUR WILL be done in EVERY circumstance. That NO MATTER what come our way we will rejoice and praise you because WE are of that Royal Blood, your children. I thank you for each persons life. That you may use us according to your purpose, Lord. In Jesus Precious Name, Amen

SURRENDER is the word that really spoke to me...I want to Surrender myself to the Lord in all ways...It might sound easy, but me it is a HUGE task that takes daily work and focus on the Lord.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I ask for your help in surrendering my life to you. Help me to lay it all out before you. As I surrender, let me not hold anything back, but find all my stregnth and comfort in you. This is a trying time, but I feel myself growing closer to you. Please continue to lift my head up each day and remind me of the Love you have for me. I lay it all down before you, and humbly ask for your comfort.

In Jesus Name,

Amen

Lord,
Please help me to feel better. There are times that I think I am getting through this. I can feel the healing happening, then there are times that I feel like I am drowning. It takes all that I have to breath. Lord, I don't like this feeling. I need your covering.

As I walked through Walmart the other day, I saw ornaments that can be inscribed, similar to the ones that Richard and I have gotten every year. This time as I saw them, I walked right past them. My thought was, I don't want to remember this Christmas. The year that I lost our baby. That is how I feel today. I do not want to be bitter. I want to remember this Christmas in a good way, but how? Lord, help me please.

tearfully yours,

Amen

Jesus holding our baby

Yesterday, as I sat at church praying and thinking about Jesus holding our baby, tears formed in my eyes. I thought I can't do this, not here. Jesus spoke to me and said it was fine for me to wait. He just wanted me to come to him, be in his presence, and he would wait for me as long as it took. I promised him that I would take some time that night, away from everyone, to focus on him.

As I began to pray last night, I could picture Jesus holding our baby. I began to cry again. This scene has played out so many times in my mind. In the past I have just shut downn and walked away, with a broken heart. This time I just sat there and cried. Looking up to the Lord, he was there, waiting for me. He picked my chin up and said, "I am not just holding your baby, I am holding you too." My heart fell a little bit further, when I realized that is what he had been saying to me all along. He understands the hurt. He has picked me up time and time again, putting the pieces back together in my life. As much pain as I feel, He feels it too.

Jesus took our sins to the cross, the pain he felt, to be betrayed, to take on all of our sins was just the beginning of what He was going to do for us. He brings us comfort when we are weak, he listens, he weeps, he endures everything that we go through. He is always there to pick our chins up. He is patient. He waits until we are ready. He is our GOD!

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you so much for waiting for me. Thank you for giving me a glimpse of Heaven. I can not wait for the day that you hold me and I get to hold our babies. I still hurt and probably always will. The hope that I have is in you. Please continue to build that hope and trust in you.

In Jesus name,

Amen

Jesus holding our baby

I keep seeing this picture of Jesus holding our baby. He tells me that it is okay because our baby is with him. All I can do is cry because I wanted to hold our baby. Comfort comes in knowing that our baby is with Jesus, a sadness takes hold because I did not get to hold our little one.

Lord,

Help me to get past this image so that I can hear and see what else you have for me.

Amen

December 27th 2009

This is so hard. I don't know what else to say. I want to feel better, but don't know how. I keep praying and I know time will help. That does not take care of right now. It is a difficult spot to be in.

In some ways having so many kids is a blessing because it urges me to move on. I can't stay in bed all day like I want to. In other ways I wonder if "moving on", is causing me not to mourn the way that I should.

Yeah, going to church is hard, but not going is just avoiding the ineviditable. Today was not so bad. Not many people were there. I just prayed for stregnth to make it through and stregnth to continue going. If it were not for the kids I would be a hermit and stay home. I didn't go to the Christmas Eve service because I wanted to avoid people and this situation. I went to a friends and family Christmas party yesterday and it took everything I had to keep it together. No one understands the pain.

Dear Heavenly Father,

The pain that I feel is so deep. It is in my heart and I need your healing. I need you in my life more now than I ever have. Please heal my heart. Help me to allow you to heal me. In some ways I think that if I allow you to heal this pain, I am letting go. Well, I don't want to let go. I will always remember this baby. This baby was a part of me and a part of Richard. Lord, you knit that baby together for us. So please restore our hope and begin the healing that we so desperatly need.

In Jesus name,

Amen

I am tired of feeling so sad

Today we had a Christmas Party at the VFW hall for friends and family. Alot of people were there. I do not know why I went. I distanced myself from as many people as I could. I did not want to be there. I just want to feel "normal", again. A Few people said they were sorry and asked me how I am doing. How am I suppose to answer how I am doing. I would like to say I feel like crap. I lost my baby. Most days I don't want to drag my butt out of bed, but do because I have too. No, I politley say, I am fine or what ever. The truth is, I am not fine. I am sad, angry, and I hurt all the time. Everything I see or do reminds me of our a baby.

Lord,

Please help me to find peace amongst all this hurt. I don't want to be angry or bitter. I want to feel good again. Lord, we want a baby to hold, love, and raise. I ask that you give us that Lord. A healthy baby and a healthy pregnancy. Lord lift our fears and help us to find you through this.

Amen

Alot on my mind...

Lately, I have been waking up with so much on my mind, I am having a hard time organizing my thoughts. Even as I sit to pray, my mind wanders and I have a hard time focusing on the Lord.

A song that keeps coming to my mind..."Lord I give you my heart, I give you my Soul, I long for you alone, every breath that I take, every moment I'm awake, Lord have your way in me." I realy want this song to ring truth in my life.

Dear Heavenly Father,

As I come before your thrown of grace, I seek forgiveness where I have hardened my heart to you. I ask that you fill me with your spirit and restore the hope in me. Lord, restore that hope in Richard. Lord, losing this baby, has created a loss in me that is deep and I am afraid. I feel like you were not there. Like you were not listening to my prayers. Lord, I know that you were there. These thoughts haunt me and take over. Help me to see you through this. Lord, lead me to you. I give you my heart, soul, and I long for the moments where I can be alone with you and give you everything without fear.

In Jesus name,

Amen

Christmas Eve

What a wonderful time we got to spend at my parents house last night. We had lots of good food (soup, little sandwiches, cheese, crackers, chips, soda, egg nog and more) and lots of good conversation.

We decided not to go to the Christmas Eve service. Losing the baby is just to close to home and I just wanted to celebrate. My heart broke a little further as my mom looked at a ultra sound picture of LilyAnn. Cherysh saw it and said "look, our baby" with excitement. My heart melted and I could not keep from crying. I excused myself and went to the bathroom to cry. Why is this so hard? Why can't I find the joy in the small things? I am so thankful for LilyAnn. That is not what this is about. I miss our baby and the hopes that we had with being pregnant. I miss the joy that we had when our kids talked about our baby.

Today is Chritmas. Kenny reminded me this morning that it is Jesus's birthday. That brings happiness to my life. To know that we are raising kids to know and Love our savior.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you so much for sending your Son to save the world. Thank you for this Christmas day. You have provided for our family and blessed us in so many ways. Lord, please help me to remember the Love you have for us when I am feeling broken hearted. Help me replace my fears with your hope. As we begin to celebrate Christmas today, penetrate our hearts and remind us of what your birth really means. Protect those who are missing loved ones and the broken hearted.

In Jesus name,

Amen

December 19, 2009

On Saturday, December 19th I miscarried for the 2nd time. In some ways this was harder in other ways it was easier. It is difficult to describe how I feel and the heart ache that I have. The fear of losing this baby became real and I was not prepared for it.

We were one day shy of 13 weeks pregnant. We had gone in the Tuesday before and had an ultrasound. Everything looked great. The baby was jumping all around and the heart beat was 174. The reason we had gone in was some light bleeding. We were told that it is common at the point in the pregnancy to have some sort of bleeding.

The Friday night before, I experienced abdonminal pressure and low back pain through out the night with not much relief. We were told by the Doctor that, that was common. The next day the pain was gone. I was tired and relaxed for the majority of the day. By that evening, I began to bleed heavily and Richard rushed me to the Emergency Room. When the Doctor checked me he told me that I was having a miscarriage. The pain of those words, penetrated my body. I looked at Richard as he held my hand and prayed.

I will stop there and finish the ER experince later. I just have to say, losing a baby is so hard. We loved that baby. He was a part of us. We had fallen in love with this baby the minute we found out we were pregnant. I will never forget the Love I have for that baby. Richard and I know that the Lord is protecting us, comforting us, and Loves us.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Today is Christmas Eve. We want to rejoice in your birth. Lord, the pain and hurt that I feel is so overwhelming. Please calm my nerves and help me find the JOY in you today and everyday. Please calm my heart and help me to find refuge in you. Lord, I love you and trust you even through this.

Amen

10 weeks tomorrow!!!!

Tomorrow is my 10 week appointment with the OB Doctor. I think that this is going to be the longest ten months of my life! It's funny how time goes by so fast with some things, yet seems to slow down with others!

We are so excited to be pregnant, yet I am still nervous. I am praying that the Lord will help me to find peace about this pregnancy and also find the joy in it!

My little pumpkin seed.....

I am so excited, I can't even expain it! We are 8 weeks pregnant. In the ultra sound picture it is 6 weeks and we were able to see the heart beat!

It has been over 11 years that Richard and I have tried to concieve. We have tried different things and nothing worked. I knew that the Lord had promised us a baby, yet I had my doubts. You see, our enemy likes to decieve us and cloud our minds so that we forget the promises of the Lord!

In April, I found out that I was pregnant. The next day, I had a miscarriage. That is one of the hardest things that I have ever gone through. I was not alone though. My husband is an amazing man and he walked through this with me. The Lord lifted my head on days that I couldn't. He sent people into my life to encourage me and show me that I can do all things through him!

After this alot of emotional healing needed to happen. I continued to seek the Lord and ask for his support. I continued to see Dr.Sandy who gave me advise on what to do. She gave me some vitamins to help get my body back into shape. I continued to excersize and take my vitamins.

It was recommended that we not get pregnant for at least 3 to 4 months. This seemed ridiculous seeings how it took us so long to get pregnant in the first place. We followed the recommendation. Now we are 8 weeks pregnant and we got to see the heart beat at 6 weeks. I know that we are far from having this baby, but my hope is being restored. He is healing my body. I know that obedience to his calling is why I have conceived in the first place.

I am chosing not to listen to the doubts in my head. I am believeing that the Lord is blessing us with a child as a promise he has given me. This Blog is going to change a little bit. It has been about my weight loss journey and now we are taking a little detour. It is going to be about my pregnany...good, bad and ugly...don't worry, I still have a weight loss journey to go and will continue that when the time is right. For now....IT is all about this NEW bundle of joy that is about the size of a pumpkin seed...that is my little pumpkin.

some thoughts

Why is it so hard to drag your butt out of bed to work out when the work our feels so good when you are done?

Why is it so hard to just sit still before the Lord?

Why do I desire "relaxing time", but don't take it when I can?

Why doesn't the laundry fairy visit my house?

I am sure that I will have more questions to come...

5:45 wake up call

The alarm sounds, its 5:45 am, the rooster is crowing and I plug my ears and try to fall back to sleep. I say to Richard, I do not feel like working out this morning. Yes you do, he says. No, I don't and why would I want to? Richard says because you feel better when you do...I crawl out of bed and go to the gym...Thanks Richard for encouraging me. You are awesome. I had a great work out all because of you.

I sit here thinking about what in this crazy brain I should share with you. Well here it goes. I am going to start with some of the things that I have not been successful with over the past month or so. I have allowed the enemy to place a foothold into my life. Gradually he snuck his way in and interrupted this path I am on.
I am almost certain that adding wheat back into my diet has started to cause me to get migraines. Even though I know that wheat is causing this issue, I continue to eat it because I am an addict and I want it.

I have been craving sweets. Rather than filling that craving with healthy sweets like fruit, I have chosen to eat sugar free candies, ice cream, puddings, etc. Since I am not eating the fruits, it gave me a way out of eating my vegetables. In the past to help me get my vegetables in I ate twice as many vegetables as I did fruit. Since I was not eating very much fruit I did not need the vegetables. It is amazing to me that my mind can actually make sense of that!

This summer schedule for me has been busy. It has been harder to make it to the gym and I have allowed that to be an excuse not to go.

Many times throughout this bible study I have had to cram to get the bible study done the day of the meeting. I have not memorized scriptures and a few times I forgot to contact my prayer partner.

All of these things are key to me being successful at losing weight and becoming the person that the Lord wants me to be.

This last session proved to be a real challenge for me. I lost focus of my goals and started to focus on what sounded good to eat instead of what my body needed. As I sought the Lord this week I asked for him to speak to me and help me with this testimony. The scripture that he brought to my attention was, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord Joshua 24:15. I have heard this scripture so many times and I thought what does that have to do with this? I have always thought of that scripture as the people in our home would serve the Lord. The Lord told me to dig deeper.

As I thought about this scripture and began to pray, I realized what he was saying to me. My body is the house! I need to be serving the Lord with my mind and my body. When I am overeating or eating out of my emotions, I am not serving the Lord. I need the Lord and I want to be his servant.

I allowed the enemy to tempt me just as he tempted Eve in the garden. I accepted and I am sure he is standing back there happy as a clam… Well not anymore. I am through letting him win. I have Jesus and I am choosing to stand firm and not allow temptations to rule my life anymore!

My goals for this next session are these:
• Omit wheat
• Omit artificial desserts
• Eat twice as many vegetables as fruit
• Exercise daily
• Bible study
• Scripture memory

I am so thankful for the love and support that I receive from our group. Every week I am encouraged at our meetings and look forward to the next meeting. I want to say thank you to everyone who has prayed for me, contacted me through the prayer partner forms, and supported me on this journey.

Dear heavenly father,
I come before you asking for your help through this journey. It has been difficult over the past few months to follow you and what you have called me to. Being healthy has been one of the hardest things that you have called me to. Lord, I want to be all that you have made me to be. I want to be healthy for my kids, my husband and myself. Help me to seek you in this journey. Let me hear from you. Lord I ask for your grace and forgiveness for the times I have veered off the path and ask that you would make my path straight.
Amen

Dear God

Those who read my blog...writing this down is really hard for me...It is easier to share the easy times than the hard times. I feel like I need to be accountable to you as well as myself and the Lord. This is a letter to the Lord of how I am feeling today.


Dear God,

This is one of those prayers that I come before your feet seeking your help, your stregnth and your guidence. You have brought me so far. This last month I have felt like I am losing control of my eating. I know that you are the one in control, so Lord I am asking that you would help me to give this control back to you. This burden does not have to be mine, you can lift it from me.

Lord, I want you to complete the work that you have began in me. You have been giving me my life back and that is what I yearn for. I have fears of doing what I have done in the past. I do not want to give up hope! Please restore my body to what you want it to be. Help me to be whole and glorify you.

This has been an amazing journey that you have put me on. There has been good times and bad times, yet you have always been there. Please help me through this season of my life. I do not want to go back to where I was before.

You amaze me every day. In greater detail these are the things that I need help with:

OVEREATING
EXCERSIZE
JOURNALING
FOOD JOURNALING
DAILY DEVOTION WITH YOU
ACCOUNTABILITY

Lord please replant the desires in my heart to be a healthier me. You are the vine and I am the branches, please prune what needs pruned and water what needs watered. Give me nourishment and substain me. I love you.

Amen

Summer is almost over...

Most months I look forward to summer, I love the weather, camping, fresh fruits and vegitables, kids being home, gardens, swimming, ect. This last week I was looking forward to the end of the summer. It seems that the summer has swallowed up all of my time and I am having a hard time making all my ends meet. I am constantly on the go and have lists to do...All things that I want to do.

It is so hard to stay in a routine during the summer. I have had a hard time working out at the gym, doing my daily devotions with the Lord, spending time alone with my husband, or even reading a book. This has got my mind planning for this fall. I am hoping to make some time for the above. A major priority for me is working out. It makes me feel better, helps me to stay focused and helps me to lost weight.

My goal is to work out 5 days a week. I want to work out before the kids go to school and before Richard goes to work. I am praying that the Lord gives me the desire and stregnth to excersize and continue on in the journey I call my life.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I thank you for granting me the desires of my heart. I praise you for all the wonderful things that you are doing in my life. Lord, I ask that you continue to plant the desires in me to become a healthier me. I want the energy to work out daily, I want to serve you in all that I do. I want what you have promised me. Lord, most of all I want to have a deeper more committed relationship with you. Please help me to make the time to do all that you have called me to. Also to make the time to relax and enjoy all that you have given me.

Amen

One of Those days...

Today is just one of those days. I don't feel like doing much of anything. I want to eat when ever I want too and how ever much I want. I dont want to track how much water I am drinking, as a matter of fact I want to drink my coke zero and coffee and that is it. I don't know the reason for having days like this, but I do have them.

Dear God,

Please change my attitude. Help me to want to take care of myself. Lord, I am not sure why I dont have any ambition. I want to follow you and continue towards the promises you have for me. Please lift me out of this pit.

Amen

struggles...

I thought a good subject for me today is to talk about the struggles that I face on a daily basis:

I have a hard time believing that I will ever lose this weight and be healthy.

I have fears that if I do ever lose this weight I won't be happy with where I am at.

I struggle with simple food choices. If I eat alot at breakfast, I feel like I have blown it and allow myself to eat as much as I want for the rest of the day. In my mind I am thinking that I will control my eating the next day.

I wonder if I will ever get food out of my mind. Sometimes I feel like it is all that I think about.

I am so tired of these same struggles and I hate knowing that I have allowed the enemy to have a foot hold into my life.

Dear Heavenly father,

Forgive me for my doubts. I know that you are faithful and I need not doubt you. Lord help me to come to you when I am doubting. Help me to remember all of your promises. Lord, help me to get food out of my mind and help my focus to be on you. You are the one that substains me. Lord I ask that you be my nourishment. Lord draw me closer to you as I fall on my knees before you. I love you. Amen

Pictures

Most recent picture.

79 pounds gone!


The picture in the orange shirt was in November of 2008. In the blue was 12 weeks later.

Weigh in and Measurement time..

Last Thursday was weigh in day...During the day I measured and lost 1 inch total.. I was disappointed. I had actually gained 3.5 inches in my calve. I was discouraged mentally, and not sure what to expect on the scales. I weighed that evening and lost 14 pounds! Wow, God is faithful. I have lost 79 pounds total so far. I am so excited that this is actually happening to me.

I don't know if I will be able to make it to my big goal..that is 100 pounds by the family reunion. That is a month and a half away.. I am in need of some new clothes, but I was really wanting to wait until I reached the 100 pound mark. We will see what happens!

Homework from First Place June 2009

Thursday, June 25, 2009
I am not sure where to begin. I have many ideas and thoughts that I have been praying about. When writing these, I find that I ask myself how deep are you really willing to go? Will you share all or hold back what hurts too much? Well we will see what ends up on this piece of paper.

The first thing for me to address is that I did pretty well this last book. I did most of the study, came to most of the meetings, and ate well. A few things that I would like to improve on is snacking in the evening, snacking during events (camping, retreats, movies, parks, etc), memorizing scripture. I did not do that this entire book :0(.

The next thing for me to address is working out. Working out is so important to me. It is good for my body as well as my mind. The first couple of weeks in June I did not go to the gym. I really could not afford it so I was going to cancel my membership and exercise at home. Nath and I rode our bikes, but the work out was not the same. A couple of weeks ago someone paid for Nathalie and my membership and told us that it was from the Lord. I believe this to be true. The Lord knows that we need this membership. He also knows that we need to be good stewards of our money. By doing so he blessed us. I am so grateful that the Lord looks out for me. Getting back into the swing of going to the gym has been hard. I was thinking about it today and realized why. When we first started going to the gym it was our desire. Then we took a “vacation” from it and upon returning it became “work”. I am praying that the Lord will help me with my mind set and change it back to a desire. I will persevere for I know that is what the Lord wants from me.

I have personally found that scripture memorization has been a huge uplift for me. It helps me to keep my mind centered on the Lord. There are times that I repeat memorized scripture to myself to help me thru situations that I would have previously made poor decisions regarding food. One scripture that continues to speak to me is 1Cor 10:13 “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted he will provide a way out so that you can endure it. I used this scripture last week when I was in my mind convincing myself that it would be okay for me to have a marshmallow. NO TEMPTATION has taken over me!

The Lord speaks to me in so many ways.. One of the way is through music. Recently I was listening to David Cook sing “The Time of My Life”, the words to the song just penetrated my soul…

I’ve been waiting for my dreams to turn into something
I could believe in
And looking for that
Magic rainbow
On the horizon
I couldn’t see it

Until I let go
Gave into love and watched all the bitterness burn
Now I’m coming alive
Body and soul
And feelin’ my world start to turn

And I’ll taste every moment
And live it out loud
I know this is the time,
This is the time

This Song inspires me in so many ways. It was not long ago that I was not willing to cry out to the Lord for anything because of my own guilt, disobedience, and lack of perseverance. I remember going to the Lord on my knees and saying… Help me. I have lost sight of you and lost sight of your presence, I am hardly hanging on and I feel myself slipping. This journey felt helpless.

Now I can relate to this song.. I am tasting every moment, coming alive, living out loud, watching the bitterness burn, feeling my life start to turn. I am praising the Lord for what he has done for me.

He is changing me. What I have learned:
• I am as close or as intimate with the Lord as I want to be
• He is always there
• Being obedient has brought me closer in relationship with the Lord
I am thankful for our group. You encourage me and help me to stay in line. I am excitied to see what the Lord is going to do with our group!

One of the ways the Lord blessed me last week..

A couple of weeks ago I was sharing with a Kristy from First Place. She asked me when Nathalie and I go to the gym. I told her that we had been working out in the mornings, however I was canceling my membership. I told her that was one bill that I could cut. I was exercising by riding my bike and that we were trying to figure out what else we were going to do for exercise.

Last week she pulled Nathalie and I aside and told us that she had something for us from the Lord. She was quite nervous as she began to share her heart and what the Lord had laid on it. She handed both Nathalie and I an envelope. We opened it to find gift certificates for the gym.

Wow! Our God is so good. He proved to me that when I am obedient to him, he will provide. Maybe not in the ways that we would expect, but in even bigger, better ways. I went to pay for the gym and she had given us enough for 6 months!

Dear God,

Thank you so much for your faithfulness. I love that you show up in unexpected forms and that you speak to me through other people. Your love for me is beyond description. Thank you for the membership to the gym. It really does help me to have a place to go and work out and get away from the business of life.

Please encourage Nathalie and I to continue on this weight loss journey. Bless us with the energy to work out and the desire to work out. Please heal our physical problems and help us to grow strong physically as well as spiritually. Your love for me surprises me every day.

Amen

Thank you Jesus

Summer is here and most of the kids are out of school. I am so excited to be able to spend some time at home or on the go with the kids. I enjoy the summers because we get to do all sorts of fun things. The challenges of summer for me is healthy eating. You would think with all the fresh fruits and vegetables it would be easier... Not for me.. This means lots of BB Q's with potato salads, pasta salads, desserts, chips, marsh mellows, etc. For this summer I am choosing to give my food choices to the Lord. I am not going to conform to the ways of the world, but follow what the Lord has for me... My challenge to myself...DO NOT EAT ANY MARSH MELLOWS! This may seem like a small challenge, for me it is big. A couple of years ago I was eating healthy, losing weight, and the first unhealthy thing I ate that sent me into a viscous cycle was a marsh mellow. Now, I know that one marshmallow is not what did it, but it is a symbol for me. A symbol of temptation and knowing "that no temptation has seized me except what is common to man"..I will not give into that temptation. I will hang on to the Lords promises for me and my life.

Dear Lord,
Thank you for your promises in your word. Thank you that they bring life to me every day. I am so encouraged by the words you speak to me through prayer and through the bible. You are my strength. When I think of you I think of a rock. I picture a boulder strong and tall. Jesus you are my rock, you pick me up when I am down, you carry me through the tough times and your spirit refreshes me daily. Your love for me is amazing. Thank you. Amen

Bike rides

Over the last couple of weeks I have really gotten the chance to ride my bike in the evenings. It has been quite nice. Just when it starts to cool down, Nathalie, sometimes Mickey, Anthony, or Richard and I get on our bikes and go for a ride. What a nice way to end the day. We started out with a mile and that was quite the ride. We are at a 3.3 mile ride now without stopping for any breaks. This feels wonderful. I am just so amazed that we are able to do this!

Lord,

I thank you for the stregnth and endurance to be able to ride our bikes. I ask that you would continue to give us the will power. Lord, I also ask that you would heal our bodies from the inside out. The aches and pains that we have sometimes stop us from being active, Lord please fix these aches and pains and help us to become strong physically as well as spiritually. I know you hear our prayers. I send all the praise and glory to you.

In Jesus Name I pray, Amen

Salavary testing

The last time I went to see Sandy she ordered some salavary testing. Here are some of the results and insight from Sandy:

Hi, I've scanned and attached part of one page of your results...it shows a graph with 2 parallel dotted lines . Normal is between those lines. Your readings are the square's and the solid line connecting the lines. As you can see the first 3 readings are low, the 4th is in the normal range.


I'm researching the correct treatment for the results of the adrenal stress test & will give you an idea of what it will be in a few days. I picked the results up at the office this afternoon, basically there is a normal range for cortisol, with the highest levels in the morning and lowest at night. The only normal reading you had was in the last part of the day, the 1st, 2nd & 3rd readings were low....the first thing is to support your tired adrenal glands.

I'm excited for you because helping restore your health in this specific area will have a major on everything else in your system, weight, fertility, energy, outlook, fatigue. If you think you've been feeling soooo much better the past 6 months or so, you will feel like wonder woman when your adrenals are working.

I just love seeing Sandy! She has such a wealth of knowledge and is encouraging to me! I look forward to seeing the changes in me once we take care of the above!

First Place assignment 5-7-09

5-7-09
Once again I was not able to get my First Place “homework” done every day this week so I am summing the daily questions up into weekly questions.
My emotions this week have once again had its ups and downs. I am somewhat like an emotional roller coaster! My emotions did not affect my food choices. I was able to eat healthy and make good food choices. For this I send thanks to the Lord. I am so grateful that he is leading me on this new life style.

I did not open the bible every day. I have spent time with the Lord everyday meditating on his words and his promises. Joshua 1:8 Keep this book of the Law always on your lips, Meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. This is so true! I it has really helped me the last couple of days to stay centered on the Lord and just feel his presence that I so badly need!

A book in the Bible that has impacted me this week is the story of Job. I have been having a rough time at church. Every time I go, the Lord tries to begin the healing that I so desperately need. I stop the Lord from doing the work in me that I have asked him to do! I ask the Lord to use me…to do whatever it takes. Yet the moment something happens I don’t allow him to do it. I have been so entrapped by the feelings of disappointment and questions of the Lords faithfulness that I did not want to reach out for help. I felt guilt and shame for not trusting the Lord and questioning him.

This week at church we discussed Joshua and whether or not we can trust the Lord and if the Lord is faithful. What I know: I trust the Lord and I know that he is faithful. I don’t understand my circumstances and I don’t understand why he has allowed these things in my life to happen. I met with a friend and shared with her (sobbing) these intimate thoughts in my head. I was embarrassed, but I remembered the Lords word about bringing things to light. I continued to unload all these feelings and thoughts that were strangling me with guilt.

She tells me the story of Job. She says his family was killed and he was in horrific pain. He cried out to the Lord, I know your words, but I don’t feel them in here and points to his heart. He did not turn away from the Lord, he grasped on to him. . Wow! It’s okay for me to feel this way? Most people would not like to be compared to Job with all of his suffering, but this was a relief for me. Here I thought my relationship with the Lord wasn’t strong enough, yet now I know it is. I am going through something and its okay to cling to the Lord, even if all it is, is one hand clinging onto his shirt. At least I am clinging to the one thing that will save me.

The other thing that the Lord spoke to me this week is that he wants to go deeper with me. For our relationship to have more depth, I will go through trials. The Lord will use these trials to strengthen me, strengthen our relationship. I have to allow him access to those intimate areas that I have closed off. It is not okay for me to just stuff everything down and not go through them. That will make me bitter and lonely. If I allow the Lord to help me sort through my suffering he will be glorified and the healing will begin in me.

All of this is connected to my weight loss journey. If I don’t have my emotions in check, I will turn to food for help instead of the Lord. I spent a lot of time in prayer this week. I would rate this week pretty good. The Lord is beginning to work in me in a new way and I love it. He is using my weaknesses to become strengths and I am learning how to work through things. I need to start writing down my food again. I had gotten out of the habit and I need to return to it.

The one thing that I would like to share this week is that it is important that we all have someone to share our personal struggles with, the ones that stay in our minds and haunt us. We need to have the accountability. This is not to make light of going to the Lord, for that is most important. I say this to encourage fellowship with one another. The Lord has given us each other so that we can build each other up and together build up his kingdom. He does not want us bound by our thoughts he wants us to meditate on his words.

Always

I am posting this video because of the hope that I found in this song. I know that we all have things that cause us to lose hope and faith. This song is a great reminder that our Savior has a plan. I ball whenever I hear this song, it is so REAL to me.

You can pause my music list so that you can hear this video...

First Place Homework Assignement

4-30-09
I am summing up the whole week into one journal entry for our first health group. The first question was Today’s emotions? Well I can say for the entire week, I felt as though I had absolutely no control over my emotions. One minute I was crying and the next I was laughing. Half the time I did not even know what I was crying for.

Do my emotions affect my food choices? Of course they do. The problem that I am having right now is taking too much control of my food choices. It used to be as I went through hard times I would turn to food. This was my way comfort. I prayed about this for a long time and the Lord has helped me to see that I do not need to turn to food. Now I have gone to the other extent of this problem. With this week being a hard week emotionally, I just chose not to eat a few times. I was telling myself that it was fine because at least I was not turning to food. I know better than that! We need food to survive and be healthy. I have got to learn to lean on the Lord and not myself.

Did I open the Bible every day this week? No…this was a huge reality check for me. I have this internal conflict going on and it is causing me to turn away from the Lord instead of turning to him. The pain that I have is so deep; I just can’t bear to open up my heart to it. The ironic thing is that when I have opened my bible this week I have been encouraged. Yet, somewhere in my heart I don’t want this encouragement; because that means I must accept my circumstance and move on. I don’t want to. I want to stay right where I am. I am defiant and disobedient, but at least I am honest.

A few scriptures that I have read that spoke to me: Psalm 42:1 As the deer pants for streams of water, So my soul pants for you, my God, Psalm 62:5 Yes, my soul, find rest in God, My hope comes from him and Romans 5:1 Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us.
The truth that I found in these words is:

1. “My God” I need to proclaim that he is my God, amidst all circumstances!

2. I picture a deer on a hot day getting a sip of water from a stream and then I picture myself receiving the water of life from Jesus. As I wait eagerly for just a drop of his living water.

3. I must find my hope in the Lord and not in earthly things for that is where I will get rest.

4. My faith in the Lord needs to be stronger than any other circumstance. Just look and see what Jesus did so that our faith could mean so much.

I pray many times throughout the day. He gives me the strength to make it through the day. Without prayer all hope would be lost.

I would rate this week overall okay! The Lord gave me the strength and endurance to exercise and make healthy food choices. I need to work on my spiritual and emotional being. I need to allow the Lord to do this work within me, and I need to be okay with where I am at each day. I am thankful that the Lords mercies are new everyday!

Looking back on my week, something that I could have done differently was to use my food journal. I have not done a very good at keeping record of what I have been eating. That is my goal for this next week.

I would like to share one thing. Do not get to comfortable in your walk with Jesus. We are in a world where things happen and they happen fast. We need to be strong in the God’s word so that we can have the courage to move on. In Joshua 1:9 it says “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God, will be with you where ever you go.” I got that word last night and that is what I am praying for myself and for our group. We need to be strong and courageous.

My New Ride....

Isn't she cute! Her name is Roxie. I am so excited about my new bike! I went on a bike ride the other night and was amazed at how much better this bike was to ride! My back did not hurt riding! I am so thankful to have this bike. I am sure that the kids and I will go on lots of bike rides this summer! I just have to figure something out for Cherysh, maybe one of those tag along bikes. My plan is to be as active as I can be this summer. Now I will even be stylish (wink wink)

Promises From God for Women

A friend of mine from church brought me this book. It is Promises From God for Women. I picked it up this morning at read the Intoduction and thought that it was so good, I needed to share it..

Blessed is the Man who trusts in the Lord, and whose hope is in the Lord. Jeremiah 17:7, nkjv

We are bombarded with promises= promises of beauty, popularity, wealth and fame. But most of the world's promises are empty- just glitzy advertisinf that fails to live up to its promises. And so we become cynical and feel that it might be "safer" to live without hope. Failure to live up to expectations-our own and others'- surrounds us on everey side. And we wonder if there is anyone that we can trust completely.

Then we turn to the bible and find that it offers a higher hope: the ability to endure the difficult days we face, and the promise of a life filled with God's presence, now and forever. As we focus on the promises of God, we find a hope that sustains us, and a peace that passes all understanding. God is faithful to His word even when we lose heart. Let the Promises of God fill your heart with joy and your mouth with praise, today and always.

Dear Lord,

Thank you so much for providing us with the hope of a futute with you. Lord help me as well as everyone else to focus on you today, and to place our trust in you. You are mighty and we Love you.

Amen

Back to the Gym...

The last couple of weeks I have not been able to go to the gym. I was just plain to sick. Not going made it very hard to start going again. It is amazing to me how something that makes you feel so good, can be such a challenge!

The last two days, Nathalie and I have been at the gym. Yesterday was a cardio day so I spent 45 minutes on the cardio machines. When I got off the eliptical, I thought that my legs might just give out on me... They didn't and I made it! Praise the Lord. I felt so much better yesterday. I had more energy and mentally I had a better attitude.

This morning we did our weight routine with a little cardio and that felt good. My ribs are quite sore, but I will be at the gym tomorrow! The gym has got to be a priority for me. I need this time away and my body also needs the work out!

Dear heavenly father,

Thank you so much for healing my body. I am so grateful for the work that you are doing in me spiritually as well as physically. Please continue to restore my body and my mind. Lord, I ask that you continue to plant that desire to be healthy and live healthy and active lifes. Thank you for always watching over me as well as my family.

Amen

Weigh in Time again...

Last night was weigh in for First place. I have lost a total of 65 pounds! I am so excited! I am still on track and pushing towards the prize. This has been an amazing journey. I have had my ups and downs, however I know that the Lord has been with me the whole time. I know that seeing Sandy and having the accountability to her as well as our first place group has been a huge part of this journey. I now understand why it is so important to share with one another our struggles as well as out successes. It really helps us to keep in line.

Last night we all voted on who had been the most encouraging in our First Place group and I was the one selected. I have never felt so honored. I am grateful that I have been able to encourage people as well as be encouraged. It's funny how I think.. Over the past few weeks when I spoke at our group, I thought to myself "get off your soap box, this is not all about you." I had fears that others were thinking that I did not know what I was talking about. I am not at my goal and have been struggling to get to my goal for so long. It is nice to know that others actually value our experiences and are not thinking the aweful thoughts that we think about ourselves.

More to come... Need to get my kids ready for school

PCOS

A few years ago I was diagnosed with PCOS (Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome). There are may symptoms to PCOS, like weight gain, facial or body hair, infertility, abdomen pain, diabetes or pre diabetes and more. To be diagnosed there is a simple blood test. Treatment plans vary and I think that it depends on you and your Doctor as to what you do. For the first couple of years, I took a hormone, Pregesterone to help me have a regular menstral cycle, then I just quit doing anything. In the past whenever I ate healthy I would have a regular mestral cycle and I would lose weight.

This time has been alot different for me. For about four months I ate healthy, excersized, and did what I was suppose to do, however I was still not menstrating. I went to the doctor and he was going to put me on Glucophage to help with my inciline which would help me with my cycle. I asked him if I could try some natural ways before starting this medicine and he said that it was fine.

The last time I went to see my cousin Sandy, she gave me some vitamins that should help restore my body and hopefully get my system to start working. The first month on the new vitamins I had a very light/short cycle. Hurray! Something was happening to my body! Well this week is the second month and I am wishing that it was as easy as the first. This is the worst cycle I have ever had. I hurt, I am grouchy, and I want to eat!

I can only praise God for bringing me to this place. I am amazed how he answers my prayers and how faithful he is. As mush as I don't feel well, I raise my hands to the Lord and thank him for his faithfulness! One of the sriptures that we learned in the last couple of months says "Now what I have commanded you to do is not to difficult or beyond your reach", I say amen! This is not to dificult and I can handle this!

Dear Lord,

Thank you for your faithfulness. I praise you for restoring my body and getting it back to working order! Thank you for placing the right people in my life and for the knowledge that you have given Sandy and her willingness to share with us. Lord please continue to heal my body and provide me with the stregnth to get through this.

Amen

Good size portions

Well, I have been struggling with portions. I just want to eat and eat and eat... I am okay with eating "healthy foods", but I want a lot! I am not sure what this eating frinzy is all about, but it is time for me to take control of this situation! I have realized over this last year how much I like to be in control. When I am not in control then my life feels like it is upside down. Using that analogy I was thinking about eating. That is one area of my life that I have a hard time controlling. I don't like to to be in control of my eating because then I have to focus on it and it takes work. Now that I know my life feels upside down when I am not in control, I can begin to understand why my life feels upside down when I am not taking control of my eating. I need this self control and dedication to feel good about myself and what the Lord is doing in me. For the next couple of weeks I will begin tracking my calories again. My hope is that this will help me to regain control where I feel I have lost it, and also regain a positive attitude on having control of my life.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you that I know that you are the one in control of my life. Thanks for the free will that you have given me. Please help me in dedicating my life to you whole heartedly. This includes my food choices, excersize, my health, my family, and more. Lord, I lift my self up to you and ask for an annointing of your presence into all areas of my life. I invite you in the areas that I have closed up and sealed. Lord heal me from the inside out and forgive me for being impatient, I know that your timing is best.

Amen

Getting back in the swing of things

This morning the alarm went off at 530.. I had Richard hit snooze one time and I rolled out of bed. I got my work out clothes on and off to the gym. Once there, I used the eliptical for 35 minutes and the bike for 10 minutes all the while maintaning my heart rate... My legs were on fire and I thought that they might give out, yet I was able to push through and get the job done. Leaving the gym I felt wonderful, knowing that I had completed what I was set out to do. Thank the Lord for the stregnth and endurance!

Back at the Gym

Last night as I was getting ready for bed I made plans to work out with Nath in the morning. My mind really wanted to just skip it, yet I also knew that I need to go. The alarm went off at 530, I rolled out of bed with pain in my ankle, chest congestion, a cough and multiple excuses as to why I didn't want to go work out. I made myself go by telling myself that I did not have to do much. I would do the minimum and that would be more then nothing. Nath asked me what my plans were, then she told me her plans (which were more that mine) and I thought well, I can do that. So I did more Cardio than I planned and did more of the weight routine. I left out of breath and tired, but excited to be off to a new work out week. I am so glad that I made my unhappy butt climb out of bed this morning!

I am kind of looking forward to the cardio work out tomorrow. I am sure that I won't be when the alarm goes off in the morning.

Lord,

Thank you for waking me up this morning and giving me a new improved attitude about the gym. I am so thankful that I am healthy enough to go and work out. Please continue to inspire me to be healthy and active. Please take care of the aches and pains that would stop me from doing what you have called me to do. Thank you Lord, that I know that you hear and answer my prayers.

Amen

Excersize Blues

Well this has just been a rotten week for excersize. Monday we were out of town, Tuesday I was up all night with a stomach ace, Wednesday Richard worked early, This morning I woke up with a horrible cough and sore throat. I just have alot of excuses and did not do it this week. I do not like to have weeks like this. It makes it even harder to start back up... My body stiffens up and mentally I feel down and just don't want to return to the gym.

I started to wonder... Why was this week so hard? The week before I went all week without a problem. Is it spring break? Is it the mirrors at the gym that I did not want to look at this week? Am I feeling overwhelmed? Is this the enemy attacking me? Is it all of the above and more. I think so. Well one thing that I am learning is that this week was a phase... Each week will be different and I do not have to give up! I know that the Lord has not given up on me and I will not either!

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for my gym membership. I think that I have taken it for granted. I appreciate the time that I get to spend at the gym and the way that it makes me feel after a good work out. Lord, please help me to find the energy and get rid of all of the excuses. I pray for inspiration and encouragement to continue pressing on.

Amen

How my mind plays a role in my weight loss journey

Last night my cousin Sandy came to our First Place group. She talked about all sorts of things dealing with nutrition, health, vitamins, minerals, chiropractic care, etc. She is someone that I can just sit and listen too. She has a wealth of information that she is willing to share.

She said something that really made me think. We were on the subject of diabetes. A comment was made in regards to how a diabetic could eat a snickers bar or an apple and it would have the same effect on the sugar levels and how much inciline a person would have to take. Sandy pointed out that though it may seem to be the case, we are forgetting about all the nutrition you would be getting out of an apple opposed to a snickers bar. What we are doing is lying to ourselves. We give ourselves a way out. That way we feel okay about the decision to eat a snickers bar or whatever.

For me this would be a number of things. I can not count the time's I have failed a diet because I lied to myself and said you deserve this, just one bite, or I will do better tomorrow. The truth is one compromise leads to another and soon our whole mind set has changed. Honestly, this happens so easily and half the time you don't even realize you have done it. I am glad that this reality hit me! I am going to be on the look out for these, so that I can make different choices this time around.

Lord,
Thank you for sending Sandy to speak to us on healthy ways of living. I am so thankful that you have put her in our lifes. She encourages us to work on our health and she always includes you in that. I love that she relates her personal experiences to this and is willing to share parts of her life with us. Lord, I ask that you bless her, her family, and their chiropractic business.

Please help me to see where I have comprimised in my life. Also, help me to see what I am about to do before I do it. You are a gracious God and I praise you.

Amen

Keeping Life Fun and Fruitful

At life on the vine we got to pick different topics of interest. We call these fireside chats, because most of them take place in front of a fire place. One of the sessions I went to was on keeping life fun and fruitful. All I could think before going to this group was who couldn't use a little more fun in their life! This was a perfect session for me.

A few notes from this class:

1. I need to keep my life in perspective. A good question to ask yourself : 10 years from now will this matter?
2. I need to learn to live my life in light of eternity
3. Do you enjoy your life right now?

A couple of ideas: Take time for your self once a year to review your life. Pray through each aspect and ask the Lord if that is what the Lord has for you or if it was what you have chosen. To often we do things or commit to something without seeking the Lord, putting stress that is not needed into our life.

John 10:10 says "The thief comes only to steal, kill and distroy; I have come so that you may have life, and have it to the full."

The hands on activity was for us to make a list of things that fill us. Comparing us to a gas tank that needs filled. As you use the gas, the tank starts to empty, you must fill it so it does not completly drain. Sometimes in life we have more things that drain than we do that fill. This is when I need to take it back to the Lord and seek his will.

Things that fill me:

• a good comedy
• working out
• jacuzzi-swimming
• my chickens
• my kids singing
• being with friends
• making a new recipe
• journaling
• blogging
• pedicures
• a hot cup of coffee
• reading

Things that drain me:

• Clutter
• constant noise
• gossip
• never a moment to take a break
• complaining
• too much to do
• arguing children
• laundry (never ending)

An important thing for me was to realize that the things that fill are not an option! We must make time for some of these everyday, or we will burn out! I would recommend making your list, I think that you will be suprised at what fills you and what drains you. Then take that list to the Lord and see what he might speak to you about these things! I would love to hear what you learn!

April,Me,Linda,and Becky

This last weekend the four of us went to Life On the Vine at Camp Crestview. This is a retreat through Foursquare for woman in Leadership positions. This is the second year that I went and it was amazing. The worship time was so good and it was a wonderful time away with the Lord. I know that the Lord spoke to alot of woman this past weekend. He Certainly did me. I am so thankful for the relationships that we have in our church and the friendships that we made this past weekend. It was refreshing to see a bunch of women praising the Lord, letting go, and having fun.

How does our minds work??

For four months I went 4-5 days a week to the gym each time increasing the amount of cardio and or the time on the machine. I was up to about 45 minutes a day! Whew! A couple of weeks ago I started doing some weights in the gym and the desire to work on cardio went out the window! I would much rather be in the other part of the gym than on that the eliptical... Thats a problem because ultimatly I need to be doing 3 days cardio with some weights and 2 days of 45-60 minutes cardio!

My shoulder/neck has been hurting for about a week now. Just getting on the eliptical or bike is uncomfortable. I can not get comfortable and it is burning. This morning I just prayed as I was on the bike and eliptical that the Lord would give me the stregnth and you know what... He did. Our God is faithful! I am so thankful.

Dear God,

Its me again! I keep on praying because I know that you hear me! Thank you so much for giving me the stregnth to carry on despite the pain in my shoulder. Lord I do come asking for healing in my shoulder. I know that you want me to be healthy and be at that gym. Lord help me to establish a routine at the gym that I feel good about and don't feel guilty when not doing all of the things available.

Amen

Miss Daisy went to Camp Crestview

I just got back from a wonderful trip to Corbett. I had the oppertunity for the 2nd year in a row to go to a womens leadership conference at Camp Crestview. It was so beautiful and the Lord really met me there. I can say in faith that we had a lot of healing and met some wonderful ladies of the Lord.

One of the fears I had about going was being able to eat healthy and feel good about it. I prayed about it, packed lots of healthy snacks, and was on my way! Rather than tell you what healthy foods that I ate, I am going to tell you what things I chose NOT to eat! The Lord was so faithful and helped me through out each meal! I did not eat: home made rolls, bread, garlic mashed potatos, fried potatos, roasted red potatos, caramel smothered french toast, powdered sugar sprinkled pancakes, hot cobbler with ice cream, and apple cake... Or any of the junk that they had for snacks... I did eat some dried fruit, cashews, peanuts, S/F lattes, cheese sticks for snack and I was satisfied. I never once felt hungry or neglected.

Praise the Lord. More to come on what the Lord spoke to me.....

Miss Daisy went to Roseburg again...

For those who don't know we have named my tahoe Miss Daisy... Since it seems we are always on the go, she needed a name. We went to Roseburg to see my cousin, Sandy at the the chiropractic office today. My mom and Patti went with me. Sandy is so much more than a chiropractor. She is also a nutrionist with a wealth of information. It is always nice to go and just talk and listen to her. She has so much information to share in regards to the foods we eat, the excersizes that we do, the vitamins we take, and she shares her life with us. She is REAL, which is probably why I am comfortable going to her. She does not judge me and she makes me feel good about where I am today. She encourages me and anyone else that comes to see her. Anyhow, she was quite pleased to hear that I have lost 48 pounds. After figuring that I out, I realized it has only been 3 1/2 months that I have been eating well. God is so faithful. He has brought me so far in such a short time.

Today I got an adjustment, a new bio meridian scan, and nutritional counseling. Along with that we discussed some of my health problems and I got a few new vitamins that should help. The first time I went to see Sandy, I saw her and her husband Jim. They both looked at my ankle and did adjustments... I don't walk like a duck so much anymore and the sharp pain is gone! I thought because of the screws in my ankle I would always be like that. Little did I know, all needed to do was hop in Miss Daisy and head to Roseburg. I am so thankful that Sandy is helping us!

Dear God,

I praise you and thank you for looking out for me. I thank you for putting people in my life that encourage me and lift me up. Lord, I ask that you would bless Jim and Sandy for all that they do. Give them encouragement and the passion to do what you have called them too. I also pray for Patti and my mom. I ask that you would heal them of their pain. Restore their physical bodies so that they can do what you have called them too. Help them get good sleep and seek you daily. Thank you for answering our prayers.

In Jesus Name,

Amen

Weigh in time

Yesterday at First Place (my weight loss group) was weigh in. I had been looking forward to weighing for some time. I lost 16 pounds in 6 weeks! At first I was a little disappointed, 16 pounds is a good amount, but I had lost more before... Then I thought about it.... I have never done this the correct way before.. This time I know that I am doing it the right way. I am taking my vitamins, I am seeing a nutritionist (Sandy is wonderful), I am in a weightloss group that encourages me and prays for me, I am doing a daily devotional, I am excersizing, I am drinking my water. Most of all I feel AWESOME! I am not going to be diappointed... That makes my total loss in 4 months 48 pounds and 37 inches! That number is great! Every pound counts and I am thankful for each one that I have lost.

Lord,

Thank you so much for guiding me and helping me to lose 16 pounds! I know that is what I needed to lose! You are my guide and my stregnth and I know that you will fulfill the promise that you have given me. I am on my way to a healthier me and I have you to thank for that. Thanks for always meeting me where I am. Thanks for delivering me from my negative thoughts and providing a way out for me. You are an awesome and Gracious God and I Love you more and more every day.

Amen

GYM #2

Nath and I met with a trainer at the gym today. She taught us how to use some of the weight machines and some good excersizes! Wow, my upper body is actually sore today. I am not sure if it is from the weight training or from the different eliptical machine! I am really looking forward to doing weight training. It will help me build muscle, lose weight, and help me with my balance! It is alot like when we first started going... We will have to work up to more weight and more repitition!

I am so glad that we are enjoying the gym and using it. Going in the morning just makes my day go so much better.

Lord,

Thank you so much for giving me the inspiration and stregnth to go to the gym. Thank you for giving me the courage to ask a trainer for help. Thank you for giving me a buddy to train with. Most of all thank you for being my focus. I am so inspired by the love that you have for me. I thank you for your word and encouragement. My goal is to please you Lord. Show me the areas that I am not, so that I can change. I love you.

Amen

GYM

When I went to the gym today, I tired out a different eliptical machine. I used one that has arms that move. Oh, what a work out. I did not think that I was going to make it! I did though... 15 minutes on that and my legs were shaking and my arms were sweaty. That will be a machine that I start working out on more. It felt like I was working my upper body as well as my lower body. This machine really helps me with coordination!

I also made an appointment for Nathalie and I tomorrow morning to walk around with a trainer. She is going to show us how to use some of the equipment in the gym that I have been to afraid to use!

I paid my member dues today. It seems unreal to me that Nathalie and I have been going to the gym 4-5 days a week for 4 whole months and we have learned to enjoy it too!

My Hallelujah Song

There is a little story that comes with the song that plays when you first open my blog. I thought that it might be fun to share it with you all.

Last year when it was time for American Idol, I just loved all of the music. I found out that I could go to Itunes and download some of the performances. Every once in a while I would get on there and download a few of my favorites. At that time My Hallelujah song was the free single ofon there and it was a free song so I downloaded it.

Last week I was on the eliptical machine, going as fast and long as I could praying that the Lord would give me the stregnth and endurance to complete what I was doing. I was praising the Lord for what he has been doing in me when this song came on... The words hit home. "Look at me, can't believe, I've finally made it here, feeling like I am where I belong, singing my Hallelujah song." I started to think about those words. I am thinking Hallelujah! I am on this eliptacal and I can go for 45 minutes when 4 months earlier I wouldn't have even thought about getting on that machine. I was praising the Lord and memories of six months ago came to mind. I felt like I was never going to succeed at being healthy, my relationship with the Lord was less than to be desired. Not because of him, but because of me. I know people were praying for me and even I was praying, just not believing. Another part of this song says " Its a sweet prayer knowing someones up there hearing me." I can speak to that. I know that the Lord hears me and he answers!

That was the best work out I have ever had. I burned 1100 calories in 40 minutes! Whew! I was sweating and hot, but I can not think of a time that I have ever felt better.

I have learned that the Lord has a plan for us. He wants to speak to us. Sometimes he speaks to us through people, his word, or the Holy Spirit. The Lord can use anything or anyone to speak to us! We just need to be listening. He spoke to me through a song. He gave me that song over a year ago and waited for me. He was patient and gave it to me in his perfect timing!

I am praying for all that have given up or feel like giving up, and asking that we would all reach out to the Lord. He will give us the stregnth and inspiration.

Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you so much for speaking to us and hearing us. Lord God, I pray for those who are suffering. I pray for those who have given up or need encouragement and just ask that you would restore them, give them stregnth, and courage to come to you and seek your guidence. Thank you for speaking to me through a song, You know just what I need.
Amen

Good Morning!

I went to bed last night all excited about this new blog! I love new things. It inspires me. I was thinking about this last night when a thought came to me. My thought was no a very nice thought. It went something like this: What were you thinking TeriAnn. What if you don't feel like sharing yourself after a couple of weeks? What if you stop doing what you are suppose to do? Now you have exposed yourself to alot people and you are going to have some explaining to do....BLAW BLAW BLAW!

I say well that is just all part of my journey right? The Lord said he knows every hair on our heads. He knows me. He knows this negative self talk and he also knows how to lift me up. Today I choose him as my stregnth. I will live for today and not for what could happen. I also believe those who follow this blog will not judge me but also llift me up in their prayers and thoughts.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I thank you for this day. I thank you for the oppertunity to share my heart and the work that you are doing within me with others. You are an amazing God and you always meet me right where I am. Lord, I ask that you will help me as well as others with negative self talk. I know that it is not of you. I ask that you would remind us daily of your great and wonderful promises. Amen

New beginnings

I have tried to figure out a way to share my journey with other women. This is a very exciting time in my life and the Lord has began a work within me. The past couple of months I have been making notes in my family blog about the changes I am working on with eating healthy, exercising, growing spiritually, and mentally. Some how writing what I ate for dinner and how I felt just did not seem to fit in with my family pictures and stories. That is where this blog comes in. This is my journey that I want to share. This is a way for me to be accountable and track my success, failures, and growth in the Lord. I am very excited.